Erika Patterson Coaching

When ‘Nice’ Becomes a Cage

Saying ‘no’ can feel like betrayal — of others’ expectations, of the role we’ve always played, of the peace we’re afraid to disrupt. But every time we say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no,’ we abandon ourselves a little more. Saying no isn’t rejection — it’s protection. It’s how we honor our limits, our time, and our truth.

Part 3: Why Saying No is Hard — But So Important

Saying no can feel like the hardest thing in the world.

It’s as if you’re breaking a promise you never actually made.
As if you’re letting down someone who depends on you.
As if you’re betraying the very people who love and count on you.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve carried this weight for years —
That tight knot in your stomach when your heart screams “no” but your mouth whispers “yes.”
The quiet, relentless self-judgment that follows.
The endless worry: Will they still like me? Will they still need me? Will I be enough?

Here’s a truth I’ve come to hold close:
Saying no is not betrayal — it is honesty.

It’s an act of courage — a clear, loving boundary that honors your energy, your time, your wellbeing.
It’s saying to yourself with quiet power:
“I am worthy of respect. I am worthy of care. I am worth honoring.”

I’ve been in that place where saying no felt like slamming a door — loud, jarring, and scary.
I feared losing people, opportunities, love.
But over time, I learned something transformative:

The people who truly care about you don’t want you to say yes at the cost of your soul.
They want your real presence — not your exhaustion.
They want your honesty — not your hidden resentment.

Saying no also creates space for more meaningful “yes” moments — when you have the energy, enthusiasm, and willingness to give freely without feeling drained.

When you say no, you open space — not just for yourself, but for others too.
You invite them to step up, take responsibility, and honor your limits with respect.
Saying no becomes a gift — a way to create healthier, more balanced connections.

So today, I want to ask you:

What’s one moment, one situation, where you struggled to say no — but deep down knew you needed to?

Hit reply and share your story with me.
Your experience matters, and sometimes just naming the struggle is the first step toward freedom.

If you’re not ready to share yet, that’s okay too — simply hold space for yourself in this moment and consider how saying no could open the door to more peace and power in your life.

Up next:
Tiny Boundaries That Change Everything

We’ll explore small, manageable ways to reclaim your space and your energy — without overwhelm or guilt.

If this message resonates, please forward it to someone who might need to hear it today.

With kindness,
Erika

When ‘Nice’ Becomes a Cage

Boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out — they’re bridges to deeper, healthier relationships. For too long, I believed saying ‘yes’ made me kind and saying ‘no’ made me difficult. But the truth? Boundaries are the most radical act of self-love I’ve ever learned.

Part 2: Boundaries: What They Really Are.

Boundaries get a bad rap.

They’re often seen as walls. Barriers. Coldness.

The thing we put up when we want to push others away.

But here’s the thing:

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out — they’re about holding space.

Space for your needs.

Space for your feelings.

Space for your health.

Space to be yourself.

A boundary is a gentle but firm yes to what you need, and a clear no to what drains you.

It’s a way of caring for yourself that says:

“I matter. My energy matters. My wellbeing matters. “

I’ll be honest — setting boundaries has not come easily to me.

I am a lifelong yes person — eager to help, quick to say yes, and slow to say no.

For a long time, I thought saying yes was kindness.

But over time, I realized that when we don’t set boundaries, people can — and sometimes do — take advantage.

It took me years to learn that saying no isn’t selfish; it’s self-care.

And sometimes, setting a boundary sounds as simple as:

“I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now.”
“I need some time to think about that before I commit.”
“I’m not available for that, but I hope it goes well.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with that topic — can we shift the conversation?”
“That doesn’t work for me.” (Full stop. No justification required.)

Too often, we confuse boundaries with rejection.

We worry saying no will make others angry or disappointed.

Or that setting limits means we’re being selfish or unkind.

But here’s a secret:

Boundaries are kindness — to yourself and to others.

They teach people how to treat you.

They create trust.

They build respect.

When you set a boundary, you’re not saying “I don’t care.”

You’re saying:

“I care about myself enough to protect my heart and my time.”

Of course, boundaries can feel scary or unfamiliar.

Especially if you’ve spent years putting everyone else first.

But every boundary you set is a step toward freedom.

Freedom to show up fully — without resentment, exhaustion, or overwhelm.

In the next post, we’ll explore:

Why Saying No Feels Like a Betrayal — And Why It’s Not

If this speaks to you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Hit reply or share this with someone who could use a little boundary kindness today.

With care,

Erika

When ‘Nice’ Becomes a Cage

Somewhere along the way, we were taught that being a ‘good woman’ meant being agreeable, accommodating, and selfless — even at the cost of our well-being. But behind every forced smile and quiet ‘I’m fine’ is a woman who’s been shrinking herself to fit a story that was never hers. It’s time we question the myth of nice — and reclaim the fullness of who we are.

Part 1: The Myth of a Good Woman — How ‘Being Nice’ Has Cost Us Too Much

From the earliest moments of our lives, we are taught a subtle, unspoken lesson:

To be good is to be nice.
To be seen is to be quiet.
To be loved is to be accommodating.

It sounds simple enough, wrapped in gentle words:
“Be polite.”
“Don’t make waves.”
“Take care of others before yourself.”

But beneath this gentle teaching lies a heavy, invisible weight.

Because what we call being nice is often a complex, exhausting dance of survival — a survival learned from trauma, fear, and the desire to belong.

We learn to smooth our edges so we don’t scare others away.
We carry the emotional baggage of everyone around us — the unspoken needs, the silent hurts — as if it were our own.
We apologize for taking up space, for expressing pain, for being too much.
We fold ourselves into silence even when inside, we’re screaming.

And all the while, we wear this mask of niceness like armor — fragile, and yet so demanding.

But here is the truth most don’t say out loud:

Being nice is not the same as being kind.

Kindness is rooted in presence — an authentic honoring of both ourselves and others.

Niceness, by contrast, is often rooted in performance — a scripted behavior shaped by fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment.

When we choose niceness over truth, we sacrifice the most vital parts of ourselves: our voice, our boundaries, our worth.

We swallow our honest feelings to keep the peace.
We enable harmful patterns because confronting them feels too risky.
We become invisible caretakers, holding the world together at the expense of our own sanity.

But silence is not kindness.
Self-abandonment is not compassion.
Saying yes when every fiber of your body says no is not generosity — it is a slow erasure of self.

Behind many smiles lies a quiet desperation: burnout, loneliness, resentment, and exhaustion from pretending that everything is fine.

In our last series, we named the invisible work that women do every day — the emotional labor that holds families, friendships, and workplaces together.

Now, it’s time to name the cost of that labor.

It’s time to stop over-giving, to stop sacrificing ourselves for others’ comfort.

Because you deserve more than survival.

You deserve boundaries that feel like safety — not prisons.
You deserve relationships rooted in respect — not fear.
You deserve to say “no” without guilt, and to hold your ground with love.

This series is a quiet revolution — a reclaiming of your power, your voice, and your heart.

It’s not about shutting people out or becoming cold.
It’s about becoming whole — fully alive and unapologetically you.

If you feel tired of carrying invisible burdens, if you’ve ever felt crushed beneath the weight of being “nice,” this series is for you.

Together, we will unravel the myths, heal the wounds, and build a new foundation — one where kindness and strength live hand in hand.

Because your worth is not measured by how pleasant you are.

It is measured by your courage to be real.

Coming up next:
What a Boundary Actually Is — And What It Isn’t

We’ll break down the myths around boundaries and explore what they look like when they’re rooted in love — not fear.

If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you.
Hit reply, or forward this to someone who needs to know: you don’t have to earn your worth by being pleasant.

With warmth,
Erika

From Overwhelm to Opportunity: My Journey and Why I’m Here to Help

Have you ever felt like you’re just barely holding it together? Like the weight of life keeps piling on, and you don’t know where to find the strength to keep going?

That was me — decades ago, juggling the chaos of raising three incredible daughters on my own. My oldest has cerebral palsy, which meant countless doctors’ appointments and therapies, while I made sure her sisters never felt invisible. I showed up to every ballet recital, gymnastics meet, and school event — even when I was utterly exhausted.

At the same time, I was working full-time and going to university, trying to keep us afloat. Some days, it felt like I was barely surviving.

But the challenges weren’t just physical. I was healing from surviving an abusive relationship that tried to steal my voice and my self-worth. Finding my way out of that darkness was terrifying and freeing all at once — it was the moment I truly chose myself.

In 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That diagnosis shook me to my core, forcing me to stop and reflect on what really matters. It showed me the power of resilience and grace — and that strength doesn’t mean doing it all alone. It means asking for help and allowing yourself to heal.

For years, people encouraged me to become a coach. They saw the strength and heart I carried. But it took me time to say yes — scared but hopeful, unsure but ready. When I finally took that step, everything fell into place. Coaching isn’t just what I do; it’s who I am.

Since then, I’ve had the privilege of supporting women from all walks of life: executives balancing high-pressure careers and family, caregivers devoted to their loved ones, single moms holding down the fort alone, survivors reclaiming their power, and women simply striving for balance in a busy world.

Each story is different, but the overwhelm and the longing for peace is something we all share. Their courage inspires me every day — and reminds me why this work matters so deeply.

You deserve support. You deserve space. You deserve to come home to yourself.

If this story speaks to you, know you are not alone. Whether you’re overwhelmed, uncertain, or just craving clarity, I’m here to walk alongside you.

Ready to take that next step? I invite you to explore my services or book a free 60-minute Clarity Call. Let’s walk this path together.

Part 4: From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Practice Ways to Handle Emotional Labor

The Cost of Invisible Work Series

Emotional labor can feel like an invisible weight that’s always with us. I totally get it — sometimes, just showing up for everyone else feels exhausting. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to carry that weight alone, and protecting your energy is absolutely possible.

Over time, I’ve discovered some practical tools and gentle strategies that help me navigate emotional labor without losing myself. These approaches have helped me move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling empowered — and I hope they can do the same for you.

1. Set Clear, Compassionate Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out — they’re about inviting healthier, more balanced connections.

Use “I” statements to express your needs clearly and kindly.
Practice saying phrases like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now and need some space,” or “I care about you, but I can’t take this on today.”
Schedule dedicated time for rest and self-care, and treat it as non-negotiable.

2. Be Mindfully Present Without Absorbing Others’ Stress

You can support people without carrying their emotional burdens.

Ground yourself by noticing your breath or placing your feet firmly on the floor.
Offer empathy with “compassionate detachment,” remembering their feelings belong to them, not you.
Set gentle limits on how much emotional energy you share.

3. Build Daily Rituals That Recenter You

Small habits create big shifts in your resilience.

Try 3-5 minutes of morning breathwork to calm your nervous system.
Journal three things you’re grateful for each day to cultivate positivity.
Do a brief evening check-in to acknowledge what drained or renewed your energy, then release what doesn’t serve you.

4. Share the Load

Emotional labor isn’t meant to be a solo journey.

Identify a few trusted people who can hold space for you.
Delegate tasks or ask for support in specific ways.
Partner with a “check-in buddy” for regular emotional check-ins.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Pause and Recharge

Taking breaks is essential, not selfish.

Schedule micro-breaks during your day to stretch, breathe, or step outside.
Practice saying “not right now” without guilt.
Use affirmations like, “My energy matters, and rest is part of my work.”

Bonus Tools to Try This Week

Energy Budget Exercise: Track where your emotional energy goes and notice what fuels or drains you.
Guided Meditations: Use apps like Calm, Insight Timer or Headspace for quick grounding sessions.
Create a “No List”: Write down things you’re choosing to stop doing to reclaim your time and peace.

These practices aren’t overnight fixes — they’re steps toward reclaiming your energy and staying connected to yourself, even when life demands a lot.

If you’re ready to reclaim your energy and navigate emotional labor with support, I offer several programs designed to help — including my Overwhelm Reset 3-session mini-series and longer container offerings tailored to different needs.

Whether you want a quick reset or deeper transformation, there’s a way to move forward that fits your life.

Reach out or visit http://www.erikapattersoncoaching.com to learn more about how I can support you.

Let’s take care of you, so you can keep taking care of everything else — without losing yourself in the process.

If this series has stirred something in you — a shift, a spark, a sigh of recognition — you’re not alone.
Let’s take one more gentle step together.

Join me for a live 45-minute Emotional Labor Reset Session – Tuesday, July 8th, 2025 at 6 PM, right here in our Facebook Group.

📌 RSVP here so you don’t miss it: Overwhelm to Opportunity: Emotional Labor Reset
💬 Want to stay in the loop for future offerings? Subscribe below.

Part 3: Letting Go of What Was Never Yours to Hold

The Cost of Invisible Work

We’re taught that strength means holding it all.

But what if real strength is learning how to let go?

For many of us, emotional labor has become a second skin — invisible but constant.
We manage everyone else’s emotions, smooth conflict, anticipate needs, and show up composed no matter what’s happening inside.

At some point, we forget what it feels like to simply be — without performing.

The Lie We’ve Inherited

We’ve absorbed the belief that:

Love means self-sacrifice.
Being needed means being worthy.
Our care only matters if it costs us something.

But that’s not care — that’s depletion dressed up as devotion.

The truth is:
You don’t have to carry what’s not yours in order to be good, worthy, or strong.

Releasing Isn’t Abandonment

Letting go of emotional labor doesn’t mean you stop caring.
It means you stop over-caring to your own detriment.

It means:

You let people have their own emotions — without fixing them.
You step back from managing what others haven’t asked you to hold.
You prioritize rest, presence, and your own well-being — without guilt.

This is not selfish. It’s sacred.
And it’s the foundation of real, sustainable connection — with others, and with yourself.

A Gentle Practice for This Time

When you feel yourself absorbing someone else’s stress or emotional state, pause and ask:

“Is this mine to carry?”

If the answer is no — exhale.
Let it pass through you instead of settling in you.

Return to your breath.
Return to your body.
Return to yourself.

Closing Reflection

As you release what was never yours to carry,
may your heart grow lighter, your spirit kinder, and your soul more at peace.

Part 2: Recognizing Emotional Labor-Before It Breaks You

A daily offering to reset and reclaim your emotional energy

You wake up tired.
Go to bed tense.
And somehow, between those hours, you carry the weight of everyone else’s emotions.

It’s quiet work — the kind no one asks you to do, but you do it anyway.

You soften your tone in hard conversations.
You hold space for your children’s meltdowns while swallowing your own.
You check in on friends, coworkers, and aging parents.
You anticipate needs, smooth edges, and protect peace.

You hold it all — and then wonder why you’re unraveling.

This is emotional labor.
It’s not about productivity.
It’s not about perfection.
It’s about the emotional cost of being the one who holds everyone else together.

And when it goes unnamed, it becomes the wallpaper of your life.
Expected. Normalized. Invisible.

But just because it’s silent doesn’t mean it’s light.

I know this intimately.
There were years I didn’t have the language for it — only the symptoms:

Bone-deep exhaustion
Irritability I’d shame myself for
Disconnection from my own needs
A tightness in my chest that never fully left
The grief of vanishing inside all the roles I was supposed to fill

Once I saw it for what it was, I couldn’t unsee it.

Awareness is the first shift.
When you pause and ask,
“Whose emotions am I managing right now?”
…you create space to come back to yourself.

You step out of survival mode and into self-awareness.
You stop carrying what isn’t yours.
You begin choosing — with love and clarity — where your energy goes.

This doesn’t mean you stop showing up.
It means you start showing up differently.

From truth — not performance.
From presence — not depletion.

Let’s Go Deeper — Together

I created the Overwhelm Reset a 3-session daily mini-series as a gentle, beginner-friendly space to breathe, reset, and return to yourself — one intentional day at a time.

🦋 Early bird pricing ($222) is available until July 31st — regular price is $333.

If you’re ready for more support, I also offer extended programs that deepen this work and help you build lasting resilience and boundaries.

This isn’t a productivity hack. It’s a permission slip.
To be human. To feel what you feel.
To finally stop carrying what was never yours to hold.

If this resonated with you, forward it to a friend. Or leave a comment — I’d love to know where this landed for you.

You are not alone in this.
And you don’t have to carry it alone, either.

Part 1: What is Emotional Labor – And Why Does it Leave Us Feeling so Exhausted.

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying a heavy invisible load — juggling your own feelings while managing the emotions of everyone around you?

That weight has a name: emotional labor.

It’s the unseen effort behind remembering birthdays, coordinating family schedules, calming tensions, offering a listening ear, and often keeping your own struggles tucked away.

This labor isn’t just about “being nice” — it’s about the deep, ongoing mental and emotional energy we invest in relationships and communities.

For many women, emotional labor is a daily reality — a silent drain that leaves us exhausted and unseen.

I know this well.

I’ve spent years balancing work, family, and personal growth, often feeling like I’m disappearing under the weight of invisible expectations.

But recognizing emotional labor for what it is changed everything.

What Does Emotional Labor Look Like?

Organizing and remembering important dates
Smoothing over conflicts quietly
Checking in on others’ emotional well-being
Suppressing your own feelings to protect others
Holding space for others, even when you’re running on empty

When you add these up, emotional labor is a full-time job — without a paycheck or recognition.

Why It’s So Draining

Because emotional labor is largely invisible and expected, it can lead to:

Exhaustion
Stress
Feeling undervalued

Suppressing your own needs while managing others’ emotions can also cause burnout, anxiety, and strained relationships.

The Power of Naming Emotional Labor

Naming this invisible load is the first step toward reclaiming your energy and peace. It allows you to:

Set boundaries
Seek support
Prioritize self-care

What’s Next?

Over the next few days, I’ll be sharing practical tools and reflections to help you navigate emotional labor and reconnect with your calm.

✨ You don’t have to hold it all together alone.

Let’s start releasing the invisible weight — together.

Find the Right Support for You →
From short resets to deeper containers, there’s space for your healing and growth here.

Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work You Carry

This infographic names the quiet, constant effort many of us do to manage emotions, smooth over tensions, and keep everything running—often without recognition.

✨ Starting today, I’m launching a 4-day series to unpack emotional labor, its impact, and practical ways to reclaim your energy and boundaries.

💛 Follow along, and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the deeper dives later today!

#EmotionalLabor #InvisibleWork #OverwhelmToOpportunity #4DaySeries #SelfCareStartsHere

The Space Between Breaking Down & Breaking Open

What breast cancer, heartbreak, and healing taught me about surrender, strength, and starting again.

Dear reader,

This isn’t just a story about illness—it’s about what happens when life asks us to stop. About what we discover in the silence, the surrender, and the slow return to ourselves. If you’ve ever carried too much for too long, or quietly unraveled beneath the surface, I hope you find something here that reminds you: you’re not alone.

In 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I still remember the silence in the room after the words were said. It was like time fractured—part of me frozen in place, the other part sprinting ahead to everything I might lose. My health, my work, my future.

At the time, I was running my own successful business—coaching, creating, supporting others through their own transformation. I loved it. It felt aligned with who I was and how I moved through the world. But when the diagnosis came, I couldn’t show up in the same way anymore. My energy had to turn inward, toward healing. Toward survival.

There were surgeries. Reconstruction. Five years of treatment. My calendar changed, my relationships shifted, and the identity I had built around doing began to crumble. I had no choice but to surrender—not to the illness itself, but to the truth that I needed to be still, to receive care, to rest.

At the same time, I was also getting out of a toxic relationship with an alcoholic. Navigating recovery as a single woman, while facing cancer treatment, was an immense challenge—one that demanded strength I didn’t know I had. That journey through emotional upheaval and healing deepened my understanding of resilience and self-compassion.

I made the difficult decision to close my business and focus on what my body—and spirit—desperately needed: care, stillness, space. Eventually, I returned to work in healthcare—this time not just as a professional, but as someone deeply changed by what it means to heal. That return led me to my current role supporting teams in building systems of care that are both effective and human-centered.

Then in 2019, I earned my certification as a Life and Wellness Coach with ICF Accreditation. That part of me—the mentor, the guide, the witness—had never truly disappeared. The passion I had once set down began to stir again—quiet at first, then louder. I started to dream about creating something unique and grounded, something that truly spoke to the experiences of women navigating burnout, responsibility, and self-erasure.

And recently, through conversations with women—about overwhelm, emotional labor, identity, and the constant pressure to hold it all together—I realized that what I’d been sitting on wasn’t just knowledge. It was a well of lived experience, insight, and heart—and it was time to share it.

Overwhelm to Opportunity was born.

Not as a slogan. Not as a coaching “niche.” But as a deeply personal invitation—a pathway back to self.

Because breast cancer didn’t just challenge me physically. It stripped everything down to the essentials. It revealed how many of us are operating from depletion. How often we override our needs. How easy it is to lose ourselves in responsibility, care work, and the myth of having it all together.

What I offer now is rooted in that clarity.
It’s for the woman who’s tired of fixing and striving and holding it all.
It’s for the woman who’s ready to soften, realign, and come home to herself.

I know what it feels like to fall apart quietly.
To be strong for everyone else.
To wonder what happens if you finally stop pushing.

And I know what it takes to rebuild—slowly, intentionally, from the inside out.

If you’re in a season of holding it all—or slowly finding your way back to yourself—know that you’re not alone. Overwhelm to Opportunity was born from this very edge: the space between breaking down and breaking open.

This is an invitation—for you to honor your story, to hold space for your healing, and to know that transformation often begins when we stop trying to hold it all together.

🌿 I’d love to hear from you.
If this resonates, feel free to hit reply or leave a comment. And if there’s someone in your life who might need this message, I’d be honored if you shared it with them.

Until next time,
Erika