healing – Erika Patterson Coaching

Unlearning & Unfolding: A Trauma-Informed Reflection on Growth and Healing

A Gentle Invitation to Pause and Reflect

Sometimes, the hardest work we do isn’t visible. It isn’t the tasks we check off a list or the big goals we chase. Often, the most important work is quiet, tender, and internal: unlearning old patterns, releasing stories that no longer serve us, and allowing ourselves to unfold into something more authentic and grounded.

As a trauma-informed transformation coach, I’ve seen how deeply we carry survival stories — narratives shaped by early experiences, generational patterns, or simply the ways we learned to protect ourselves. These stories aren’t “bad” or “wrong.” They helped us endure. They helped us survive. But at some point, they can hold us back from living fully, from moving with ease, from trusting ourselves and the world around us.

Unlearning: A Practice of Awareness

Unlearning is a gentle, often slow process. It isn’t about forcing change or erasing the past. It’s about noticing the patterns we’ve inherited or adopted, sitting with them without judgment, and asking:

Which of these stories do I still need? Which ones can I gently release?

It might be an old habit of self-criticism, a survival instinct that no longer serves your present life, or a generational pattern that silently shapes your choices. Simply noticing it is a radical act of care.

Unfolding: Allowing Yourself to Expand

And then comes unfolding — the quiet expansion that follows awareness. It’s the soft growth that happens when we allow ourselves to be held in our own curiosity and compassion.

It’s saying to yourself:

I can be whole even as I let go. I can grow even as I grieve. I can be soft and still be strong.

This unfolding isn’t a destination. It’s a practice. A daily return to yourself with awareness, patience, and compassion.

Integration Through Presence

This week, I invite you to pay attention to your inner landscape. Notice the survival narratives that still run in the background. Reflect on the ways they show up in your relationships, your work, or your self-talk. Then practice gentle unlearning:

A breath here.
A pause there.
A conscious choice to meet yourself with patience instead of criticism.

Integration doesn’t have to be flashy. Awareness itself is transformative. Every time you pause, notice, and hold yourself tenderly, you are doing the work of real, lasting growth.

A Week to Slow Down and Honor Yourself

Unlearning and unfolding is not linear. Some days, you’ll feel progress; other days, patterns may rise again. That’s normal. That’s human. The key is to keep returning to yourself with awareness, curiosity, and self-compassion.

This week, let’s honor the stories we’ve carried, release what no longer serves, and allow ourselves to unfold with grace. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You don’t have to rush. Simply being present with yourself — noticing, breathing, holding space — is enough.

You are enough. Your awareness is enough. Your courage to unlearn and unfold is enough.

The Gentle Descent into November: A Time for Rest

November always feels like a soft landing.

The air shifts. The trees let go. And something in me exhales—quietly, without ceremony. It’s not the end of the year, not yet. But it’s the beginning of the descent. A gentle turning inward.

Each November, I seem to arrive at the same threshold. Not because something new has happened— but because something old is ready to be seen differently.

I used to resist this part. I thought slowing down meant losing momentum. That rest was something you earned after the work was done. But now I know: rest is part of the rhythm. Integration is part of the work.

My growth didn’t happen in a single season. It unfolded over years—through overwhelm, through stillness, through the quiet work of returning to myself.

There were moments I didn’t know what I was carrying. Stories I inherited without realizing. Beliefs that shaped me before I ever had the chance to choose.

And slowly, gently, I began to choose again.

Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just quietly. In the way I speak to myself. In the way I hold space for others. In the way I let softness lead.

I lit a candle before writing this. Not for ambiance, but for anchoring. I needed something small and steady to remind me that light doesn’t have to be loud. That warmth can be quiet. That I am allowed to grow slowly.

My body doesn’t want to sprint toward December. It wants to nest, to listen, to soften. The breath slows. The shoulders drop. The ache behind the eyes says, “You’ve done enough.”

November reminds me of that.

It reminds me that healing isn’t a finish line. It’s a spiral. A return. A remembering.

It reminds me that tenderness is not weakness. That truth often arrives in whispers.

It reminds me that I can choose again.

And still—there’s pressure. To wrap up the year. To prove something. To finish strong.

But what if finishing strong looked like finishing soft? What if the most radical thing we could do this month was to listen inward and trust what we hear?

This is the kind of space I hold for the women I work with. Not fixing. Not rushing. Just witnessing. Just returning.

If you’re feeling tender this month—if you’re tired, reflective, or unsure—you’re not doing it wrong. You’re in the rhythm. You’re in the remembering.

Let it be quiet. Let it be true.

You are allowed to return to yourself again and again.

December will bring its own kind of clarity. But November is for listening.

The Hidden Costs of Emotional Labor: Recognizing Your Burden

How Emotional Labor Silently Weighs Us Down — and How to Begin Releasing It

There’s a kind of weight many women carry that no one else sees.

It doesn’t show up in bloodwork or MRIs.
It’s not tracked in calendars or covered by sick days.

But it’s real.
And it’s heavy.

It’s the weight of being the one who holds everything —
the one who remembers the appointments, smooths the conflicts, anticipates the needs, and keeps it all together.

It’s emotional labor.

And it quietly builds, year after year…
until one day, you can’t ignore the ache anymore.

What Emotional Labor Actually Is

Emotional labor isn’t just managing emotions.
It’s managing everyone else’s emotions — while putting your own on hold.

It looks like:

• Smiling when you’re tired or hurting
• Taking on responsibilities because “no one else will”
• Keeping the peace at the expense of your own peace
• Remembering, softening, stretching, over-giving — and rarely being thanked for it

Most of us learned this so young, we thought it was just what love looked like.

We believed it was our job to hold everything — and everyone.

But here’s the truth:
Just because you can carry it doesn’t mean you have to.

The Hidden Cost

The cost of carrying it all isn’t always loud.
Most of the time, it’s quiet.

It shows up in subtle, persistent ways:

• Exhaustion that rest can’t fix
• Resentment that bubbles up when you least expect it
• A voice you can barely hear anymore
• Tight shoulders, clenched jaw, shallow breath
• Feeling invisible in your own life

It’s easy to dismiss these things.
To tell yourself you’re just tired. Or hormonal. Or being “too sensitive.”

But these aren’t flaws.
They’re signals.

Whispers from the parts of you that are tired of being overlooked — even by you.

You’re Not Broken — You’re Overburdened

If any of this feels familiar, I want you to know:

You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re not “too much.”
And you’re not “not enough.”

You’ve been doing too much for too long in a world that calls that strength.

But something in you is waking up.

You’re beginning to notice what no longer fits —
and what was never yours to carry in the first place.

Three Gentle Ways to Begin Letting Go

This isn’t about dropping everything overnight.

It’s about beginning — slowly, kindly, in your own time.

Here are three quiet ways to start:

1. Notice without judgment.

Start with your body.
Where are you holding tension?
Ask gently: Is this mine to carry?

2. Say no without apology.

Let your no be simple.
You don’t need a reason or a story.
Your no is enough.

3. Offer yourself the same grace you offer others.

You’ve been showing up for everyone else.
Can you start showing up for you, too?
Even a little?

Even one breath.
One boundary.
One honest no.

You were never meant to carry it all.

You were meant to move through the world rooted, clear, and connected —
not weighed down by invisible expectations.

This month, I invite you to set something down.
Even one small thing.

There is strength in your softness.
There is freedom in your pause.
There is power in naming what you will no longer hold.

You don’t have to do this alone.
This space — and this work — is here for you.

✨ Want a gentle place to begin?

I made this for you:
Finding Clarity – A Gentle Start to Reclaiming Yourself

A quiet invitation to reconnect with your own rhythm, needs, and voice.

Start your Clarity Journey

Or simply begin by exhaling.
You’re already on your way.

© Erika Patterson Coaching 2025. All rights reserved.

✨ FROM CHAOS TO CLARITY

Even the Storms Teach Us

This week, I’m diving into a theme that feels especially tender and true:
From Chaos to Clarity.

There was a time I thought chaos was something I had to fight, organize, or fix.

But what I’ve come to learn—sometimes the hard way—is that chaos isn’t always the enemy. Sometimes it’s the invitation.
The pause.
The whisper that says, “This version of you isn’t meant to continue.”

Life can feel overwhelming when the pieces don’t seem to fit. It feels this way when everything is loud and nothing feels certain. Often, these feelings occur because something deeper is trying to emerge.
Clarity doesn’t come from tightening our grip.
It comes when we soften.

I used to spin in circles, trying to do my way into peace.
Now? I breathe.
I journal.
I listen.
I surrender to the not-knowing, and in that space… clarity begins to rise.

🌀 If you’re standing in the middle of chaos, I want you to hear this:
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.
And you’re not alone.

💬 What has chaos taught you recently? I’d love to hear in the comments.

🕊️
With love,
Erika

Finding Freedom from Overwhelm: Small Steps to Healing

There was a time when overwhelm wasn’t just a feeling—it was my everyday reality. I was surviving, not living… until a quiet voice within began to stir, whispering for something more. More rest. More truth. More me.
This is the story of how I found my way back to myself—and how you can, too.

There was a time in my life when overwhelm wasn’t just a feeling—it was the soundtrack of every single day.

I was carrying so much all at once:

Healing from deep trauma,
Managing the invisible emotional labor of caregiving,
Raising three daughters, one with special needs.
And quietly trying to rediscover a voice I’d long silenced in an abusive relationship

The weight felt relentless, like a storm that never quite passed.

Some mornings, I’d wake up with a tight knot in my chest, the kind that whispers, “Not today. Not again.” But the world kept spinning, and so did I—barely holding myself together.

I learned early on that being “nice” was safer. It was my armor and my cage all at once.

Pleasing others was easier than rocking the boat, easier than facing the uncomfortable truth that I was shrinking, fading, disappearing.

Every time I swallowed my truth, a little piece of me grew smaller, quieter.

And yet beneath that quiet, something stirred—a deep ache for something different.

For freedom. For authenticity. For joy that wasn’t just a fleeting visitor.

That yearning didn’t come with fireworks or fanfare.

It arrived as a whisper beneath the noise of exhaustion and self-doubt.

It was the courage to say no when my body begged for rest.

The strength to set a boundary, even if it felt shaky and new.

The boldness to finally claim my own needs, even when I feared disappointing others.

Reclaiming myself was not a straight path.

It took time, patience, and an immense amount of grace.

Sometimes it meant sitting with discomfort—leaning into the hard feelings instead of running away.

Sometimes it meant stepping backward to gather strength before moving forward again.

But through it all, I discovered a truth I wish someone had told me sooner. Overwhelm feels heavy and crushing. However, it holds a hidden gift within it.

The gift of clarity.

The opportunity to recognize what no longer serves us.

And the invitation to begin the tender work of letting go.

This space—where overwhelm meets opportunity—is where my coaching heart lives.

If I can rise from silence and from that crushing weight of overwhelm, then so can you. I moved into a place of clarity, agency, and hope.

You don’t have to have it all figured out.

You don’t have to be perfect or “fixed.”

You just need to take the next small step.

And know you’re not alone on this journey.

Reflection to Carry With You

When have you felt overwhelmed in a way that changed you?
What small step toward yourself feels possible today?
How your story, your voice, might be a source of strength for others?

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for your courage to keep showing up.

I see you. I hear you. And I’m walking with you.

— Erika

💬 Ready to take your next small step?

Whether you’re navigating burnout, seeking your voice again, or simply craving a moment to breathe—I’m here. Let’s explore what’s possible, together.

👉 Book a free discovery call
👉 Learn more about my 1:1 coaching
👉 Join my newsletter for gentle support + tools

You’re worthy of support. And you don’t have to do it alone.

She Wasn’t Handed a Damn Thing—But She’s Still Rising

Some women are handed a map.

She had to carve the path with her own two hands.

She wasn’t handed peace.
Or protection.
Or an easy out.

Life threw its punches—
and she took them.

She spit out the blood.
Swallowed the tears.
And kept going.

Her story?
It’s not tidy.
It’s not a highlight reel.
It’s full of heartbreak and hard choices,
shaky hands and sleepless nights,
moments where her spirit whispered, “I can’t,”
but her feet kept moving anyway.

This—
this is what resilience really looks like.

It’s not polished.
It’s not Instagram-worthy.
It’s not wrapped in daily affirmations or curated vision boards.

It’s raw.
It’s real.
It’s getting up again—when no one even knows how hard it was to open your eyes that morning.

If this is you… welcome.

You’re not broken.
You’re not behind.
You are not too much, and you are certainly not not enough.

You are a woman who’s been surviving in a world that hasn’t made it easy.
But you’re here now.

Not just to survive—
but to rise.

Not because you’re done being tired,
but because some part of you—
maybe a tiny, trembling part—
still hopes there’s more than just this.

And there is.

There’s a version of you…

Who knows how to breathe again.
Who trusts her own voice.
Who says no without guilt and yes without fear.
Who sees overwhelm not as her identity,
but as a signal—
a whisper that something needs to shift,
and that she is allowed to shift with it.

This isn’t about pretending life isn’t hard.
It’s about meeting that hard with gentleness
and finally asking:

“What if I don’t have to do this alone anymore?”

You don’t. Not now. Not here.

This is your invitation:
To lay down the weight.
To catch your breath.
To remember who the hell you are underneath the exhaustion.

You are not too late.
You are not too far gone.
You are not broken beyond repair.

You are a phoenix.

And this?
This isn’t your ending.

This is your rise.

When ‘Nice’ Becomes a Cage

The hardest boundary you’ll ever set might not be with your partner, parent, or boss — but with yourself. In this final post of When “Nice” Becomes a Cage, we explore what it means to stop overfunctioning, reparent the part of you that learned to earn love through exhaustion, and finally rest without guilt. This isn’t the end — it’s the beginning of coming home to you.

Part 6: When the Boundary Is with You — Breaking the Habit of Over Functioning

Sometimes the hardest boundary isn’t with a partner, a parent, or a boss.
It’s not with the people around you.
It’s with you.

It’s that quiet, familiar voice that urges you to say yes — even when your body’s begging for rest.
It’s the reflex to jump in, fix it, smooth it over, take it on…
Because that’s what you’ve always done.

This is what over functioning looks like.

And it doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

It’s shaped by survival.
By childhood roles.
By trauma and identity.
By being “the strong one” — the one who holds it all together.

Over functioning wears the mask of competence and care.
But underneath?
There’s often fear.

Fear of letting people down.
Fear of being forgotten if you’re not useful.
Fear of sitting with your own unmet needs.

I know this place deeply.
I lived there for years.

Professionally, I over-delivered.
Personally, I self-abandoned.
I believed being needed meant I mattered.

But eventually, the weight broke me open.

The most radical shift in my healing didn’t come from saying no to others.
It came from saying no to myself — to the part of me that was addicted to overfunctioning.

🕊 Reparenting the Over Functioner Within

Often, the part of us that overfunctions is still trying to earn love, safety, and belonging — as if we’re stuck in a younger version of ourselves who had to be helpful to be seen.

Breaking that habit meant learning to reparent myself:

To speak to that younger version gently.
To say:
“You’re not responsible for holding the world anymore.”
“You don’t have to earn your place here.”
“It’s okay to let go — I’ve got you now.”

Setting a boundary with yourself sometimes looks like protecting that younger part from old patterns that no longer serve your present life.

🌿 Quiet, Sacred Boundaries

I had to learn to speak new truths:

🌀 “You don’t have to take that on.”
🌀 “It’s not your job to carry other people’s comfort.”
🌀 “You are allowed to rest — without earning it first.”

These weren’t loud boundaries.
They weren’t dramatic.
But they were revolutionary.

They gave me back my breath.
They reintroduced me to myself.

💬 Reflection & Growth: Journal Prompts

If you’re ready to look more closely at your own patterns, try journaling on one or more of these:

Where in your life do you feel the need to constantly prove your worth?
What’s something you wish someone would say to you when you’re overwhelmed?
What would shift if you trusted that being loved doesn’t require being everything?

Let these questions stir — not as problems to solve, but as gentle openings into something more truthful.

🌱 The Payoff: What You Gain When You Let Go

When you stop overfunctioning, you begin to feel your own aliveness again.
You reconnect with your body.
Your intuition gets louder.
You remember how to exhale.

✨ You make space for relationships built on mutual care — not obligation.
✨ You discover joy in your own enoughness.
✨ You begin living from a place of being, not proving.

🌿 Clarity Call Invitation

If this series has stirred something in you — if you’re feeling the ache of overfunctioning, the burnout of emotional labor, or the longing to come back home to yourself — I invite you into a free 60-minute Clarity Call.

This is a private, compassionate space to explore:
✨ What you’ve been holding
✨ Where you’re stretched too thin
✨ What it might feel like to finally breathe again

🦋 Book your Clarity Call here
This space is yours, if you’re ready to step into it.

Thank you for walking with me through this series.

We’ve explored the cost of emotional labor, the cage of “being nice,” the ache of saying no, and now — the quiet revolution of choosing yourself.

This isn’t the end.
It’s the beginning.

🔑 Empowered Affirmation to Carry Forward

“I am no longer the keeper of everyone’s comfort. I choose rest — not because I’ve earned it, but because I exist.”

🔔 Stay Connected

If this series spoke to your heart, there’s more to come.

✨ Subscribe for future series from Erika Patterson Coaching — thoughtful, soul-deep reflections to help you navigate real life with more clarity, boundaries, and self-trust.

Lighting the Way from Overwhelm to Opportunity.
You don’t have to walk this path alone.

Part 1: What is Emotional Labor – And Why Does it Leave Us Feeling so Exhausted.

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying a heavy invisible load — juggling your own feelings while managing the emotions of everyone around you?

That weight has a name: emotional labor.

It’s the unseen effort behind remembering birthdays, coordinating family schedules, calming tensions, offering a listening ear, and often keeping your own struggles tucked away.

This labor isn’t just about “being nice” — it’s about the deep, ongoing mental and emotional energy we invest in relationships and communities.

For many women, emotional labor is a daily reality — a silent drain that leaves us exhausted and unseen.

I know this well.

I’ve spent years balancing work, family, and personal growth, often feeling like I’m disappearing under the weight of invisible expectations.

But recognizing emotional labor for what it is changed everything.

What Does Emotional Labor Look Like?

Organizing and remembering important dates
Smoothing over conflicts quietly
Checking in on others’ emotional well-being
Suppressing your own feelings to protect others
Holding space for others, even when you’re running on empty

When you add these up, emotional labor is a full-time job — without a paycheck or recognition.

Why It’s So Draining

Because emotional labor is largely invisible and expected, it can lead to:

Exhaustion
Stress
Feeling undervalued

Suppressing your own needs while managing others’ emotions can also cause burnout, anxiety, and strained relationships.

The Power of Naming Emotional Labor

Naming this invisible load is the first step toward reclaiming your energy and peace. It allows you to:

Set boundaries
Seek support
Prioritize self-care

What’s Next?

Over the next few days, I’ll be sharing practical tools and reflections to help you navigate emotional labor and reconnect with your calm.

✨ You don’t have to hold it all together alone.

Let’s start releasing the invisible weight — together.

Find the Right Support for You →
From short resets to deeper containers, there’s space for your healing and growth here.

Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work You Carry

This infographic names the quiet, constant effort many of us do to manage emotions, smooth over tensions, and keep everything running—often without recognition.

✨ Starting today, I’m launching a 4-day series to unpack emotional labor, its impact, and practical ways to reclaim your energy and boundaries.

💛 Follow along, and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the deeper dives later today!

#EmotionalLabor #InvisibleWork #OverwhelmToOpportunity #4DaySeries #SelfCareStartsHere

The Space Between Breaking Down & Breaking Open

What breast cancer, heartbreak, and healing taught me about surrender, strength, and starting again.

Dear reader,

This isn’t just a story about illness—it’s about what happens when life asks us to stop. About what we discover in the silence, the surrender, and the slow return to ourselves. If you’ve ever carried too much for too long, or quietly unraveled beneath the surface, I hope you find something here that reminds you: you’re not alone.

In 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I still remember the silence in the room after the words were said. It was like time fractured—part of me frozen in place, the other part sprinting ahead to everything I might lose. My health, my work, my future.

At the time, I was running my own successful business—coaching, creating, supporting others through their own transformation. I loved it. It felt aligned with who I was and how I moved through the world. But when the diagnosis came, I couldn’t show up in the same way anymore. My energy had to turn inward, toward healing. Toward survival.

There were surgeries. Reconstruction. Five years of treatment. My calendar changed, my relationships shifted, and the identity I had built around doing began to crumble. I had no choice but to surrender—not to the illness itself, but to the truth that I needed to be still, to receive care, to rest.

At the same time, I was also getting out of a toxic relationship with an alcoholic. Navigating recovery as a single woman, while facing cancer treatment, was an immense challenge—one that demanded strength I didn’t know I had. That journey through emotional upheaval and healing deepened my understanding of resilience and self-compassion.

I made the difficult decision to close my business and focus on what my body—and spirit—desperately needed: care, stillness, space. Eventually, I returned to work in healthcare—this time not just as a professional, but as someone deeply changed by what it means to heal. That return led me to my current role supporting teams in building systems of care that are both effective and human-centered.

Then in 2019, I earned my certification as a Life and Wellness Coach with ICF Accreditation. That part of me—the mentor, the guide, the witness—had never truly disappeared. The passion I had once set down began to stir again—quiet at first, then louder. I started to dream about creating something unique and grounded, something that truly spoke to the experiences of women navigating burnout, responsibility, and self-erasure.

And recently, through conversations with women—about overwhelm, emotional labor, identity, and the constant pressure to hold it all together—I realized that what I’d been sitting on wasn’t just knowledge. It was a well of lived experience, insight, and heart—and it was time to share it.

Overwhelm to Opportunity was born.

Not as a slogan. Not as a coaching “niche.” But as a deeply personal invitation—a pathway back to self.

Because breast cancer didn’t just challenge me physically. It stripped everything down to the essentials. It revealed how many of us are operating from depletion. How often we override our needs. How easy it is to lose ourselves in responsibility, care work, and the myth of having it all together.

What I offer now is rooted in that clarity.
It’s for the woman who’s tired of fixing and striving and holding it all.
It’s for the woman who’s ready to soften, realign, and come home to herself.

I know what it feels like to fall apart quietly.
To be strong for everyone else.
To wonder what happens if you finally stop pushing.

And I know what it takes to rebuild—slowly, intentionally, from the inside out.

If you’re in a season of holding it all—or slowly finding your way back to yourself—know that you’re not alone. Overwhelm to Opportunity was born from this very edge: the space between breaking down and breaking open.

This is an invitation—for you to honor your story, to hold space for your healing, and to know that transformation often begins when we stop trying to hold it all together.

🌿 I’d love to hear from you.
If this resonates, feel free to hit reply or leave a comment. And if there’s someone in your life who might need this message, I’d be honored if you shared it with them.

Until next time,
Erika