Part 2: Boundaries: What They Really Are.
Boundaries get a bad rap.
They’re often seen as walls. Barriers. Coldness.
The thing we put up when we want to push others away.
But here’s the thing:
Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out — they’re about holding space.
Space for your needs.
Space for your feelings.
Space for your health.
Space to be yourself.
A boundary is a gentle but firm yes to what you need, and a clear no to what drains you.
It’s a way of caring for yourself that says:
“I matter. My energy matters. My wellbeing matters. “
I’ll be honest — setting boundaries has not come easily to me.
I am a lifelong yes person — eager to help, quick to say yes, and slow to say no.
For a long time, I thought saying yes was kindness.
But over time, I realized that when we don’t set boundaries, people can — and sometimes do — take advantage.
It took me years to learn that saying no isn’t selfish; it’s self-care.
And sometimes, setting a boundary sounds as simple as:
- “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now.”
- “I need some time to think about that before I commit.”
- “I’m not available for that, but I hope it goes well.”
- “I don’t feel comfortable with that topic — can we shift the conversation?”
- “That doesn’t work for me.” (Full stop. No justification required.)
Too often, we confuse boundaries with rejection.
We worry saying no will make others angry or disappointed.
Or that setting limits means we’re being selfish or unkind.
But here’s a secret:
Boundaries are kindness — to yourself and to others.
They teach people how to treat you.
They create trust.
They build respect.
When you set a boundary, you’re not saying “I don’t care.”
You’re saying:
“I care about myself enough to protect my heart and my time.”
Of course, boundaries can feel scary or unfamiliar.
Especially if you’ve spent years putting everyone else first.
But every boundary you set is a step toward freedom.
Freedom to show up fully — without resentment, exhaustion, or overwhelm.
In the next post, we’ll explore:
Why Saying No Feels Like a Betrayal — And Why It’s Not
If this speaks to you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Hit reply or share this with someone who could use a little boundary kindness today.
With care,
Erika
Erika Patterson Coaching 